It's Not Okay.

There are things that should be left outside of the work place and I’m not sure what it’s going to take to get that understood. I am lost for words and not sure how to write about a sensitive topic such as this, but it needs to be heard. It has been three years since this incident and it still triggers something inside me whenever I come into contact with a similar situation or if I come across this individual. This situation was difficult and emotionally exhausting on me. Being a victim of sexual harassment is not easily understood by everyone and I’m here to tell you my story.

At eighteen years old I got my first serving job and it was going well. I was young and reflecting back on particular instances, I should’ve left or got help immediately. There was a specific manager there that everyone loved and was friends with. At work there were lots of jokes made between the workers and management, most of which were sexual remarks. This manager, let’s call him Bill, made sexual remarks about other server’s body parts and what he would do to them. Others would laugh or join in on the comments he made, encouraging him to continue. It was in November of 2016 when he started making unwanted comments about my body or sexual advances that I got out of. I didn’t tell anyone because, I didn’t think much about it and who would believe me? I didn’t have “proof” that these things were being said or done, so I just let it happen.

March of 2017, I received a snapchat friend request from Bill, and accepted it. I would never reply to the snaps he sent out, most of which were either at work or of his dog. One evening, it was a Thursday, and finals week for my freshman year of college I received a snapchat message from Bill. For those who aren’t familiar with the app “Snapchat”, you can send pictures or send messages that delete after being viewed. You can also screenshot messages and photos sent, but it sends a notification to the sender that the receiver did so – but I’ll get to that in a moment. I opened it up and to my astonishment it was an image of girl’s breasts and he made a comment that he imagined that’s what mine looked like. I had no idea what to do, so I didn’t reply. A few seconds go by and he asked for me to show him to see if his assumption was right, making me feel very uncomfortable. Not knowing what to do I screenshotted the messages he sent and told my brother about it not knowing what to do. He told me that it wasn’t okay at all and encouraged me to go to my store manager about it. I was terrified to go to my manager about it because, I didn’t want to make a big deal of anything or get anyone in trouble.

The next morning, I woke up to a text from an unknown number and opened it up. It was Bill, asking what it was I planned on doing with that screenshot and that he wasn’t in the “right mind” when he sent those messages to me. I never replied. I had finals that day and that was my priority. My brother being the protective person he was, informed my father about what had happened and he made sure I went and told my store manager about it. So, after my finals that day, I drove to work to talk to him. Let’s call my store manager Jeff. Jeff and I sat in the office and I told him exactly what happened and the other references he had made to me at work – it wasn’t easy. I was embarrassed to talk about it and didn’t want to talk about it at all. Immediately Jeff replies to what I have to say is that he has known Bill for a very long time and that he’d never do that – but he’d talk to him. The thing that upsets me the most is that I had proof and other servers that worked there that had gone through the same thing as me, but didn’t want to speak up. I got a variety of excuses as to why no one wanted to side with me and speak up about it, many of them sided with him and didn’t believe what I had to say. I was the boy who cried wolf. It was frustrating because, people knew that it’s a problem, but sided with him over doing the right thing. I got into contact with “HR”, which was a joke. This establishment didn’t have a legit HR, just a lady whom we were to contact in situations such as this. Both, her son and daughter, worked at this restaurant and was best friends with the store manager. I told her exactly what happened and she was sympathetic, but did nothing about it. Her and Jeff sat down and came to an agreement that Bill would have to go to a class for sexual harassment. But it continued. I was not comfortable at work anymore, I dreaded going there and I was losing hours. My store manager told me that Bill and I wouldn’t be working the same shifts, so my schedule was affected. Mine. But, why? What did I do to deserve this? I’m the victim in this situation and I’m the one suffering from it? They wouldn’t do anything about it unless I had others step up and agree with me that this was going on, and since no one would, they practically swept the situation under the rug. Because, they were friends with him and believed that’s not who he was as a person. I find that absolutely ridiculous how gently they handled this.

They made me feel as if I were the one who did something wrong and that I was at fault. Because, I’m the one to blame for his actions. I was in full control of the thoughts he had and actions Bill took. This whole thing was messed up from the beginning and not knowing what to do with how it was handled and feeling mistreated, I found a new job and put my two weeks in. I personally believe the roles should’ve been reversed and that it was Bill who had to leave, but sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to. Is that okay? No, but it’s life and not everything will work out in your favor. Leaving was the best decision for me and I’m glad I did. I haven’t been back since and never plan on it.

Please, learn from me and do not ever feel ashamed or embarrassed of something someone does to you. It is okay to get help, whether that’d be a family member, friend, teacher or whomever – talk to someone about what’s going on, they can help. It may not be easy, but never push it aside like I did, and whoever is reading this I encourage you to never ignore what’s going on! There were quite a few red flags that I simply ignored, one of which was being friends with him on snapchat – that was extremely inappropriate looking back on.

Ending the blog with this - Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives. Instead of dwelling on the past and all the “what ifs”, move on and learn from it.

- B