Earlier this year if you would've asked me if I was happy or even loved myself - I would've lied and said everything was fine. When really my life was crashing and burning right before my eyes - or so I thought.
Life is so precious you guys! I kept putting the blame on God for everything going wrong in my life and figured the party crowd would take my loneliness and pain away. It did not. If you are someone who lacks peace, who fears dying, has something missing, who feels they have no real meaning or purpose in life, or experience loneliness and sense a lack of motivation - I would love nothing more than to share MY STORY with you and how I overcame depression and suicidal thoughts. Though I never acted upon these thoughts nor did I self harm, but there were times where I thought, "I could take a handful of pills right now and that would take away all my pain and everything that was going on in my life." But, I was someone who feared dying. I say that in the past tense though, for it is something I no longer feel. I am finally happy and see that there is so much more to life than drowning my sorrows and loneliness with alcohol and people whom mistreated me. Whether I live or die, I know I have eternal life in Him, and through Him, and that is honestly so beautiful and comforting.
I never realized how vulnerable I could be or even where this blog would go, but I am loving it. I am no longer ashamed of who I am, my past or where my life is going. I am done comparing myself to others my age (or anyone in general) and their success. I'm still figuring it out - and that's OKAY! I don't want to rush into a degree that'll lead to a job that I am not 100% happy in. By placing my life In God and trusting in His plan for me, it has made me patient in seeing what He has in store for me for I know it's far greater. I am using everything I can to become more knowledgeable and to guide me on what I've been missing all this time.
I was a big-time worrier. I worried what others thought about me, my social status, my future, I worried my life was going nowhere since I had no idea what I even wanted to go to college for. Life is too short to be worrying over things that aren't in your control. What IS in your control is your thoughts towards life and the direction it's going. Five months ago I found myself attending Church - something I was never interested in, especially since I was blaming God for everything. Then a few months in, I was finding myself searching for the answers to all my questions, which led me to where I am now and I could not be more grateful.
Please, do not go on in life without searching for the answers to your questions. My questions brought me to see and realize that only Jesus Christ is the answer to all my needs. I never knew I could be so free within myself, and it's all because I decided to follow Jesus - letting Him make me into the person He wants me to be - In His image and for His glory.
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