An Open Letter To Virgins

I don’t know who needs to hear this but, let me start this blog off letting those know it is OKAY to be a virgin. No, it does not make you a “prude” for being a virgin nor does it make you any less for not being one. It is your body and no one can make you feel ashamed, guilty or embarrassed for being a virgin. I can speak from experience that I have felt those exact ways and now I am just embracing it because, why is it even an “issue”? Just because all your friends are doing it, doesn’t mean you should feel rushed to get it “over with”. There is no time frame and only you will know when you are ready. I’m not here to tell you my reasoning for why I’m waiting, I shouldn’t have to, and neither should you. It is your choice and if someone can’t accept that for who you are, then they are not worth your time or feelings.

We all feel pressure sometimes. When everyone around you is doing something, it’s hard to stand up and not be apart of a trend. Perhaps you feel pressure from your friends who are constantly talking about their sex life, or you’ve decided to remain celibate for personal or religious reason. Sex is one of those things you have to decide for yourself. You shouldn’t feel pressured into anything, and when you do choose to become sexually active or losing your virginity is nothing to take lightly. There is no time limit – so if you’re a virgin in your twenties, you’re not alone! Here are a few reasons why it’s totally okay to be a virgin, no matter what your age.

1. You’re waiting until you feel ready.

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you’re ready and just because your friends are constantly talking about their latest hookups, shouldn’t make you feel bad that you’re not there yet. Unless you are ready to lose your virginity, always go with your instincts and trust your gut.

2. You’ll learn more about yourself as a person in the process.

Sexually active or not, sex does not define who you are! Feeling pressure isn't fun to deal with, it teaches you something about yourself and that is you knowing yourself better than anyone else. It’s easy to feel left out and you may even feel inferior to those sexually active. Don’t! You never know how someone else is really feeling, and it’s important to focus on how YOU feel.

3. You just don’t feel like having sex.

Maybe you're just not interested in sex now, nothing wrong with that - or maybe, you're even asexual. Those who identify as asexual do not necessarily experience sexual attraction, and may even be a reason as to why you haven't become sexually active yet.

4. You may feel liberated.

Being a virgin can be particularly liberating for numerous reasons. You don't have to worry about things like unplanned pregnancies, STD's or infections, or making sure you're using contraceptives every time you're intimate with someone.

You are also giving yourself a chance to become more educated about sex. Sure, we cover sex in school, but there may be more questions you can ask our doctor about becoming sexually active.

5. It's something to look forward to.

While sex may feel like an important milestone that many people you may know have already hit, that doesn't take away any of the personal milestones you've accomplished. And how wonderful was it to celebrated these achievements? Rather than treating your virginity as something you can't wait to get rid of, think of it as a milestone you have yet to celebrate.

Being a virgin in your twenties is totally okay. It’s easy to feel alone and like you’re missing out, especially if all your friends have already had sex and you haven’t – but being a virgin (no matter how old you are!) isn’t a bad thing. And the people who matter won’t care that you’re a virgin. Especially if you aren't sure you want to be sexually active just yet, staying a virgin until you're absolutely certain you want to lose your virginity can be the best decision that you can make.

Don't think I am narcissistic when I say this, but rather, that I am confident in myself.

I am 22 years old: beautiful, smart, authentic, and a virgin. And frankly, being a virgin is the LEAST interesting part about me.

Some might say that's sad and others will say that's amazing. Some guys might be freaked out by it, while others are attracted by it.

But virgin or not doesn't define a person. So don't let it define you.

- B